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Talk:Zombie (1)/@comment-25624149-20130326191343
I finally figured it out. Its more than just with my mom and her anorexic comments. In my 10th grade year, I had this P.E. class where they had me go onto a scale to check my weight. They said that I was a little underweight due to my fast metabolism. I asked them what can I do gain weight. They told me what to eat. I tried but it didn't work. I thought that if I just ate some junk food then it would help. Plus, that was when my mom started playing her game and started saying that I was anorexic. I was desperate to prove to her that I didn't have a eating disorder and to gain weight some so I just started mostly eating junk food whenever. Later, a little part of me believed in my mom that I had anorexia and I thought that maybe I just wasn't eating enough so I would keep on doing it more even though I never had it in the first place. Sometimes, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I would see visble bones even though it was never there. It freaked me out so much that I would just keep on overeating. I didn't want my mom to actually be right and thought that I could fix it on my own even though I didn't have it. My mom later took me to the doctors for her pride and the doctors did tests on me. They asked me questions of if I starved myself, excerise a lot, had a fear of food, if I felt fat. I told them no. The doctors told my mom that I didn't have anorexia and I just had a fast metabolism. While I felt relieved that I didn't have it, it didn't stop my mom with her anorexic comments. She would just randomly talk about my body. Once, she grabbed my arms and said "Look at you. You're not eating." I told her to stop it and that she was embarrassing me. Whenever I was eating dinner, she would watch me and sometimes, she would accuse me of hiding the food in napkins. For the next two years, when people say that I was so skinny, I took it as offensive and think it in my mind "Do you think that I'm anorexic? Its not my fault that I can't gain weight." When I got angry or sad, I would overeat and hoping that it would help. When I would check my weight and saw that I was still the same, I would be mad that I didn't reach my goal and overeat again. Whenever my mom made the anorexic comments, the more I overeat. Even if I felt sick, I would still do it. But I couldn't reach my goals. I was so desperate that it started getting out of control. To this day, I'm trying to stop because almost everyone in my family has diabetes and I know that I could have it too if I don't lay off the junk food. Its hard but I want to better. Whenever I hear my body being underweight, I freak out even though its small. I shouldn't have to live like this. And I shouldn't have to prove to my mom that I don't have a eating disorder. She should be helping me, not bringing me down to make herself feel better. Her diet is taking control of her. I know that I can't change of how my mom is but I know that I can make changes for myself. I know that I can do it. Sorry that its long.